Psst! Is There a Boy in the Girls' Bathroom?!?
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Shamed. Humiliated. Awkward. Misunderstood.
They are all emotional responses to interpersonal rejection.
I promise you, THIS TIME I physically and emotionally felt ALL the above human responses after Nolan and I entered the women's facility. Yes, I said it.... we BOTH entered the WOMEN'S facility.
Yes, I take Nolan to the FEMALE WASHROOM with me!
And this is my story...
Keep in mind...
It is cute when a little boy is in the restroom with his mama. People do not think anything of it. Now when they see an adult size man walk in with a woman, they panic immediately! Nolan is bigger than me and he's not getting any smaller.
This happens to us quite often, but this time the reaction was OFF THE CHARTS!
Just another narrow-minded and overtly ignorant response to a situation you always hope to avoid as a parent of a child with Autism.
I heard it...
'PSST!' 'IS THERE IS A BOY IN THE GIRLS' BATHROOM?!?'
Trust me, I am aware of the options.
A sign marks the entrance...
Door on left= MEN'S BATHROOM/CHANGING AREA
Door on right= WOMEN'S BATHROOM/CHANGING AREA
ONLY 2 CHOICES? HMMMM?!?
No Gender Neutral OR Family Restroom option?
REALLY?!?
Coming to that fork in the hallway, taking a sharp right was the one and only choice for us. It was just Nolan and me.
The ladies' room it is!
I thought nothing of it when we set foot in the women's changing room. Beyond the occasional stares, the 'how dare she,' AND 'who does she think she is?'
MOST people GENERALLY understand, but NOT THIS TIME!!
Let me be clear....I fully understand and respect the privacy of others, but Nolan and I have no other choice or option.
It is me.
Just me.
I am the only one who can assist my son, make sure he is protected, and be assured that he is safe while using the facilities.
Okay, back to the situation that transpired...
We had just finished swimming and we were headed to the locker room to change. He was as jovial as ever! Nolan loves swimming, but he CANNOT tolerate being wet while out of the pool.
Changing immediately is a MUST!
Upon Nolan and I entering the changing room, we were immediately greeted with, "Did you read the door?" "This is the women's changing room!"
The whispers started...
PSST! IS THERE A BOY IN THE GIRLS' BATHROOM??
I did my best to focus on Nolan, and not the staring and whispering bystanders.
We then swiftly dashed to the shower area in the very back of the changing room. The area is secluded and protected by a shower curtain, so no privacy issues were being violated.
NO ONE WAS BACK THERE!
NO ONE BUT US!
NOT A SINGLE SOUL!!!
We had just finished swimming and I guided Nolan to a private shower area - with a curtain! He proceded to change out of his wet clothes. As I was waiting for Nolan to finish changing, a worker approached us.
Here we go...UGH!
AND the 'approach' was harsh, let me tell you.
The employee quickly ushered us to a 'hidden door' and ordered us to leave the area - even after I explained Nolan's situation - AND she ordered us to leave immediately.
I forewarned the employee,,,
THERE IS NO GENDER-NEUTRAL OPTION!!
She did not care.
So, now I had to rush Nolan and scurry us along out of the changing area. We bolted out of there! He was scared, confused, and extremely upset! (SO WAS I!!) He already struggles to recognize and manage overwhelming emotions.
It felt like my heart was going to pound out of my body, my blood was boiling! I felt as if Nolan's dignity was compromised. It was humiliating, to say the least!
How could this happen to us? Why? Don't they recognize our situation?
As we were deliberately escorted so rudely out of the changing room, we were abruptly stopped. Fortunately, this encounter was different!
Thank GOODNESS we were greeted by a pleasant, understanding employee! The manager greeted us with assurance that she would do what she could to make sure the impression of this establishment (which shall remain nameless) will strive for a more diverse and inclusive workplace that promotes awareness and empathy for ALL.
It all boils down to the lack of gender-neutral bathrooms as my son needs assistance while in the bathroom and/or changing room at a gym or pool- ANY public place.
As Nolan grows into his teen years AND into adulthood, accompanying him to the bathroom will only get more complicated.
My hopes and dreams are that one day ALL establishments will offer a gender-neutral, safe, and accessible option for people with disabilities and their caregivers.
I will say this....
There is a parallel here. This incident has surely been an eye-opening realization that made me cognizant of the many businesses that DO offer bathroom accessibility for all, even intellectual disabilities.
In the future - If you see a mother, grandma, or caregiver accompanying a male to the women's bathroom- ASSUME THERE IS A GOOD REASON! DO NOT JUDGE! The same goes for the opposite sex.
I would encourage owners of big and small business establishments to look beyond their own scope and their own individual experiences. Hopefully, they will consider the validity and dignity of people who need help doing the everyday regular things we take for granted.
This would stop the whispers...
'PSST!' 'IS THERE IS A BOY IN THE GIRLS' BATHROOM?!?'
MOM'S, HAVE YOU EXPERIENCED ANYTHING COMPARABLE TO THIS? WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT WAS THE RESULT?